Thanksgiving Month

I love the month of November because of Thanksgiving.  I truly believe that giving thanks and living a life of gratitude is a key to success and fulfillment.  The other day I made a long list of the things I was grateful for – just random stuff.  No order to them, no priority, not all inclusive, just sat and started to type.  It was a great experience and one I challenge you to do now.  Take a moment and just be grateful for 10 things or make it 100!  Don’t put any rules on yourself just start writing and see what happens…it might just delight your soul.  In fact, I’d like to hear a few things you are grateful for so please feel free to leave in the comment box and share with others what you are grateful for.. here is a sampling of my list.

Things I’m grateful for …
My faith ~ love ~ joy ~ health ~ parents ~ Kylie ~ Ronnie ~ Birth of Baby Taylor ~ Jackson ~ Birth of Baby Jonah and his big miracle ~  my dear family that loves me ~ my small group ~ clients that inspire me ~ my house ~ sunshine ~ journaling ~ turning 40 and all who surprised me at my party ~ my incredible assistant Jenny ~ MHC ~ business ~ the Well Ladies ~ traveling ~ EO ~ generous Seattle landlords ~ my ipod ~ my jeep ~ my contacts ~ my relationship with Jesus ~ coke slurpees ~ character development ~ facebook friends ~ work outs ~ long time buddies ~ new friends ~ trips to Hawaii ~ airplanes ~ legacy ~ mountains ~ laughter ~ beauty of Lake Tahoe ~ beauty of Mt. Rainier and PNW ~ Life 301 peeps ~ quarters ~ ability to read ~ trust ~ living life by my values ~ water-skiing ~ swimming ~ my pink Bible ~ my mac ~ Christmas ~ pedicures ~ my fireplace ~ my blackberry ~ opportunity to impact lives daily ~ facials with Anita ~ editors ~ interns ~ music ~ those who fight for my freedom ~ being an American ~ twitter ~ coach’s time out readers ~ Team 150 ~ chocolate ~ dancing ~ my heart and those who fight for it ~ Living Stones ~ Grace ~ leaders who get it ~ subscribers to my blog!!
Here’s a great month of gratefulness and purpose!

10 Ways to Prepare for a Low Cost Holiday – please add to the list!

Except for my annual mocking of the retail stores having their Christmas stuff out in OCTOBER,  talking about holiday stuff was the furthest thing from my mind.  That is until the question hit me live on the  “Ask Shandel” show… “Shandel, there are only 60 days until Christmas. What are some tips to prepare for an economically difficult holiday season?”  WHAT ?  I was totally taken off guard and yet totally immersed myself into the subject as we started talking.  It so ignited my passion, I decided to develop the thought for my monthly newsletter.

The experience also reinforced an idea I have for the Life 301 (BE YOU) Alumni. On Dec. 10th, I am offering a free call to prepare for the holidays (emotionally and intentionally) – so watch Alumni for your invitation and the announcement in the newsletter.

Listen in to the show and then enjoy the full article below… Please, please add your comments and ideas below and do share any gift or unique family traditions that have been hugely successful for you and yours.  REMEMBER – be intentional and start preparing now .

Segment 1

Segment 2

Family Tradition Example

We all know that 2009 has been a very difficult year. But I want to take this opportunity to further equip you to take our economic time and make it the most meaningful year to date!

Yesterday on the “Ask Shandel” radio show we talked about what we can do now to prepare for Christmas which at the time was 60 days away. (Freaked me out!) If we try to make up for it by buying gifts left and right, misusing our credit cards, we’ll only get deeper in debt. If we don’t prepare for the season, we may slip into a mini-seasonal depression before or after the holidays!

We can avoid that it, though, with a little intentionality. But it takes thought-and you must do something different from the pattern you have always followed.

So here are my top 10 ways you can prepare for the holiday season at no cost. I invite you to add to this list by commenting …

● Create a Grateful Journal. Each day or night, from Thanksgiving to New Year’s, have each family member go around the table and state what they are grateful for. Have a journal you write the thoughts down in and keep it for the years to come. It will be fun for the kids to see what they were grateful for at two years old when they are 20!

● Revisit Values. Take the time to recall or define your top five values. Write them down. Put a goal or action step next to each one, expressing your intention to honor them one by one. (Make sure the goals are measurable and reasonable!)

● Start a New Tradition. Establish a new tradition that doesn’t cost any money but honors one of your top values. Be creative and come up a new one, or bring back one that has been minimized or lost. Traditions bond families. Take the time to build a new tradition as a family and make 2009 a year to remember.

● Dream Forward. On Christmas night, write down an intention or something you would like to accomplish in 2010. Have your family members do the same. Fold up the goal or intention and stick it in the toe of your Christmas stocking. Then on Christmas morning 2010, you will see what you wrote and what you did about your intention. Of course, make sure the paper is small and each person has their name on their stocking.

● Back Cast. Imagine yourself in early 2010 talking to a close friend and reflecting back to the holidays. What do you want to be sharing and bragging about? What was so wonderful and different about this year that made it so special? What are you most proud of for yourself? Write it down and then start planning what it will take to accomplish it – start it now!

● Learn the Love Languages. There are five love languages, according to Gary Chapman: Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, and Gifts. If you take the time to know your loved ones’ love languages, you can give them a very meaningful gift. Tell the Words-of-Affirmation person in a homemade card what he or she means to you. Do something for your Acts-of-Service person you have put off, or give them coupons with dates on which you will accomplish the list. You get the idea. Even the Gifts person-the gifts don’t have to cost money. You can read my article on love languages here. Check out the book The Five Love Languages here .

● Give Cashless Gifts. Think of ways you can give gifts that don’t cost money but deliver great value to the receiver. Ask, if you don’t know! Last year, my friend asked her mother-in-law for six coupons for babysitting and she got it! A listener on the show called in and said they gave their kids coupons for all sorts of stuff (my favorite was the “get out of punishment” one).

● Bake Stuff. Bring forth your best recipe and go meet your neighbors. If you are going to do that, start buying one ingredient each week starting now so it won’t break your budget. Yesterday, I bought chocolate chips at Costco!

● Exchange a White Elephant. My family is split on this, but I love it! One year when things were tight and we were between grown kids and grandkids, we did a funny white elephant exchange instead of buying gifts. We all brought something from our house that was “useable” and wrapped it up all pretty and then did the traditional white elephant exchange. We laughed so hard it became my favorite event. There is a “Just Say HO” shirt that has gotten passed since 1992 and we always forget who had it last year. It’s a blast.

● Be Other Centered. As a family, think about what you can do to bless others less fortunate. If you have some extra cash, provide Christmas for those who do not have extra this year. Or-this might be more important-go serve someone who needs help. Put up Christmas lights for an elderly woman, rake leaves, weed a garden, go caroling at the convalescent home. The list is endless. Make it a tradition!

Okay your turn – tell me your ideas and comments!

Perspective = Patience

Baby Jonah

Have you ever experienced yourself in the middle of a life lesson?

I did last week in front of the UC San Francisco hospital. My three-month-old nephew was scheduled for a three-hour kidney surgery the next morning. He was screaming in his car seat as we were trying to find parking and navigate the mess of those tiny uphill streets. Yet in a moment, something clicked for me.

A car stopped right in the driveway of the parking garage, clueless of the huge backup it was causing. I was in full awareness of my patience. Now, you know that isn’t like me! We were on a tight schedule and my nephew was crying. Yet my eyes were fixed on this car. Still there was not a hint of impatience in the air as a young boy emerged from the passenger side and opened the door for his elderly grandmother. Instantly, I recognized the dialysis branding on the small bag she was carrying, and I started to recall the days I spent with my dad during his dialysis treatments.

The two of them hobbled down the sidewalk, stopping to let the woman catch her breath. As we parked I noticed that no one seemed upset with them. There was simply compassion and understanding in the air.

Entering Another’s World

Being fully aware of my own patience and those around me, I realized what was going on and immediately applied it to a life lesson.

When we have context, we have patience. When we have information, we have understanding. When we have clarity and see pain, we have compassion. When we get inside people’s world, we have perspective. When we have all of that, we have grace, because we are no longer judging and condemning from our own paradigm. In a moment, our paradigm has broadened and shifted.

All of a sudden we enter into the other person’s world and stop demanding he or she fit into ours. We immediately slow down enough to be grateful for our own good fortune and stop judging others for their assumed incompetence and inadequacies. (Can you imagine me thinking the same of that dialysis patient as I did when the women blocked the entire parking lot while she “ran in” for her coffee?)

Walking Wounded

Unfortunately, we Type A leaders don’t take the time to see the pain and woundedness in those around us. Unfortunately, we often don’t learn this lesson until we, or our loved ones, are suffering the same pain. Unfortunately, I am not just talking about physical pain now, but our emotional and relational pain and woundedness that goes to work with us everyday of our life. The silent wounds that define us until dealt with and resolved. The walking wounded at work.

A leader gets results through people. People are wounded. We still need to get results. Many times results are hindered because our people are wounded, and if we would deal with the wound or help them deal with it – we would get better, faster results. Yet, we want everyone to move and “get it” like we do.

Learning Patience

In my experience, patience is not a natural gift of a leader, it is a learned one. It is one that requires discipline, perspective, and maturity. The more that leaders broaden their awareness, understanding, and compassion, the better results they will get out of their people. It is easy to hold people accountable when they trust that you understand where they are coming from and truly care about them as a person. You’ll get your results. (It’s called emotional intelligence, by the way.)

Why does it take so long for some of us to get this? We have been fortunate, or we live in denial of our own woundedness—one or the other. It is my suggestion that you willingly and humbly learn about yourself and others with intentionality before you find yourself learning it the hard way. Be a proactive leader and learner, rather than a reactor who only seeks help and perspective when in trouble.

Be wise, my friends, and enjoy the goodness you have been given. Learn from your heart as well as your head.

Shandel

P.S. After I learned my lesson, our hospital visit had a surprisingly miraculous ending. Read about it in my blog post “A Routine Miracle” if you’d like.

A Routine Miracle?

What a whirlwind of 14 hours I just had!  I got a call last night at 9:30pm that my cousin was so sick he could not drive down with his wife to San Francisco – can I have my bag ready to go in 15 minutes?  My baby nephew was scheduled for kidney surgery on October 21st and we needed to be there for the pre operation ultrasound, etc.  So off we went and arrived in San Fran at 2:00AM.

We had the ultrasound and they gave us an envelope for the doctor consultation 2 hours later.  As we had Chai Tea at Starbucks, Jill analyzed it and said quietly that she was slightly encouraged that the radiologist had written a “4″ but then crossed it out with a “3″ – 4=surgery 3=not.  So we said a little prayer and yet knew that one small 5 X 7 page with a crossed out number may not change the course of action from his October 10th results which clearly indicated a “4″ and getting worse.

We got right in to see the doc and he did not even look at the envelope but confirmed how long the incision would be for surgery.  Jill politely said when he was done, “Well, we had hoped for a miracle and had a little hope when we saw the radiologist has crossed out the 4 and wrote in a 3.” The doctor looked a little stunned and calmly opened up the package and looked at the note and the 5 pictures included.  He said, “hmmm… well let me go look at the full set of pictures and I’ll be back.”  He poked his head in 10 minutes later and said, “Ladies, please come with me and take a look at this.”

He had another doctor with him to confirm what he was seeing and they both grinned at us and said, “His kidney has indeed gotten better and he does not need surgery tomorrow.”  We looked at each other in awe and glee then listened to the docs every word.  He needs to be retested in 6 weeks (which he can do in Reno) and if this trend continues he should be fine.  WHAT???  This little guy was  being prepped to go under the knife for a 3 hour surgery, had only gotten progressively worse even as early as 10 days ago, and now we get to take him home with a smile, hope, and answered prayer?

What followed was a myriad of phone calls, tears, texts, and facebook updates all the way to the car.  What a fun ride I just had!  So fun to be part of stuff like this ever once in a while.  My dad used to say “just a routine miracle”  I don’t believe that any kind of miracle big, small or huge is “routine” – but I kinda like the saying today as it has a pleasant peaceful ring.  It says so much about what we experience everyday…and yet sometimes you get to call a turn of events “a miracle” because something bigger than you smiled upon you and said “yes!” Thank you to the hundreds if not thousands of you who prayed from Hawaii to Massachusetts to Athens Greece! The best part is we were totally content with the “no” because …well… we really don’t need to tell God what to do – His “yes” and His “no” are always the best no matter what the outcome.  I think that’s why there is much peace and gratefulness in the grace of the “yes” when it is granted.

Truly, its  just kinda cool to be a bystander in all of this greatness actually.

So as I go out shopping for shoes and celebrating Jill’s 34th birthday in downtown San Francisco with Baby Jonah smiling up at me… a routine miracle sounds about right.  Now can we pray I find some shoes?  hee-hee JUST KIDDING!

Gratefully Yours,

Shandel – (not so much coach today just sharing my own heart.)

What you think about…you become!

It is never boring on The “Ask Shandel” show with Bill and Connie as we address culturally relevant issues in the moment.  This week we only did one segment but it was a powerful one.  The last few moments were the most convicting as we discussed thinking and focusing on who you want to be.  Basically, what we concentrate on and put our mind on we become… that is why people who are adamant about not being like their parents – become just like them.  UNLESS you replace the old and put a new role model and belief system into place – you will become what you despise most. What are you rehearsing?

What you focus on you become – so what or who will you focus on today and become?

Listen in and let me know what subjects we should talk about next!

Listen now!

Your Coach,

Shandel

Facebook issues – dealing with your past.

“Any issue unresolved is taking up valuable brain space.”

On this week’s show, we talked about the relationship dilemmas brought about by Facebook.  What to do with past friendships that ended bad and now have resurfaced in your life.  Do you just ignore it?  Deal with it?  There is a need for wisdom on whether to confront the situation, ignore the friend request, set boundaries or seek reconciliation.

In the Life 301 class we address this head on as it hinders our capacity to live the life we want to live.  Every relationship that is unresolved in your mind is taking up valuable space that could be attracting what you really want out of life.  As these issues surface it is in your best interest to address the source of the problem and deal with it so you can be done with it.  Sometimes that means a simple acknowledgment of the pain and sometimes it is letting that relationship go – but it always requires intentionality and integrity.

To create the future you desire, you must reconcile unresolved issues so they do not hinder your success going forward.  Be wise, seek good counsel, and go be the best you can be today!

Segment 1 – listen here to the first half of the show.

Segment 2 – here is the second half.

Your Coach,

Shandel

Are you Choosing Humility?

This week’s show was fun as it was on one of my favorite subjects – HUMILITY.  Jim Collins beautifully states in his book Good To Great that the best leaders in the world have the unique character trait of humility.  What I have seen in the successful people I coach and admire it is quite true.

Bill and Connie discussed the apology from Kanye West and his humiliation when he interrupted Taylor Swift at the VMA on Sunday.  The argument was around if he was sincerely sorry or if he was just embarrassed.  As I stated in the newsletter this month, gaining trust starts with an apology and forgiveness, however trust is earned as we see behavior changes.  No one can read your intentions, only your behavior.

You can be sure that “Pride goes before a fall” and also “Humility comes before honor” so let’s all take a lesson from this and see what areas in our life we can choose humility before we are humiliated.  The art of an apology is key.  Enjoy the show and let me know how you are embracing humility or clinging to your pride.

Segment 1 – audio recording here

Segment 2 – audio recording here

Your Coach Loves You,

Shandel

TRUST ME ON THIS!

This month’s Coach’s Time Out Newsletter is out – did you get it your copy?  If not subscribe here

(I would love your questions for the “Ask Shandel” radio show or leave your comments below.)

Steven M.R. Covey boldy states that the #1 Leadership Competency in the new global economy is trust.

Our last discussion was on forgiveness in the workplace. Now we need to discover that while forgiveness and trust work hand in hand to create the most meaningful and effective relationships, trust is not the same as forgiveness.

Most of you know my niche is coaching leaders to get results by taking their team, business and life to the next level. This process starts by addressing unresolved conflict, immediately improving communication, and building high trust so that we can achieve results with a sustainable outcome. Do you realize that every week a team of eight could be easily wasting 10 to 40 hours a week on the emotional energy caused by the erosion of trust and poor communication?

And don’t think you are immune. It happens to every team, especially with fast-growth companies, and with post-recession layoffs and cuts. And I’m not even accounting for your personal life and what that is costing you.

PAYING ATTENTION

Trust is something that must be inspired, repaired, and maintained on an ongoing basis. Trust is a continual fluid process that you must always pay attention to. I have seen trust erode before my very eyes and I have seen trust renewed as well. Do not believe it when people say trust cannot be restored – it can. It may never go back to what it was but, with forgiveness, it can go forward into something amazing and beautiful.

As a leader, it is your job to create and demand the culture be one where people go to great lengths to trust themselves, their team members, and the fact that the organization is doing the right thing for the right reason.

So what exactly is trust?

A WASTE OF TIME

I am going to use one of my favorite tools from Patrick Lencioni’s work on team trust. He says that trust is all about vulnerability.

“We must LEARN to be comfortable being open, even exposed to each other around our failures, weaknesses, even fears. People who refuse or are afraid to admit the truth about themselves will end up engaging in political behavior that wastes everyone’s time and agenda.”1

My friends, he is right on!

Without trust, you and your employees or teammates can’t build anything together because everyone is worried about protecting themselves and what belongs to them. When there is unforgiveness in the mix, you can’t partner with that person to build because you are protecting yourself and keeping them at a safe distance. And until you forgive the person, you can’t start the process of building anything with them especially not trust.

However, gaining trust takes a change of filters and perceptions. It requires an authenticity and vulnerability that few people choose to live out.

There are ways to accelerate the building of trust but it starts with what I call the “A.H.A. moment.” First comes the Awareness that not everyone thinks as you do, nor should they. Add to that the Humility to admit you may share in being part of the problem because you were unaware, and therefore now you want to be part of the solution. Finally, trust begins to take root through our Acceptance of help to grow and see ourselves and others are all in process toward the same result. One thing is certain, you cannot restore trust alone; you need help. And of course, that’s the hardest part for leaders – asking for help!

TRUST YOURSELF

So where do you start? As a leader, trust begins with you; the troops will follow. Trust begins with raising the level of trust you have in yourself. That comes before trust can be fully placed in other people. This requires a high level of commitment and continual growth. Trust is never set in stone and checked off the list, it must be invested in regularly and frequently.

Think about how much time is wasted because we don’t trust ourselves. When we have a lack of trust internally; we doubt and question, we waste time over analyzing. We waver in decision making, we beat ourselves up with negative self talk, and we, of course then, cannot trust other people. Think of the creative energy that is drained and the time lost because of our lack of trust.

Developing self-trust leads to a new lease on life. You are able to live with clarity and when you trust yourself you can easily focus on what needs to be done and what can be left until tomorrow. When you live and honor your purpose and values, it becomes easier to know what to say yes to and no to. This level of self trust continues to feed upon itself and grow.

ASKING FOR HELP

The reward is that when you have trust things get done faster and easier yielding a higher return in the investment of time and energy as well as joy in the workplace. Stephen Covey makes a good point that people who trust each other will overlook and forgive communication faux pas, whereas if you do not have trust even the most carefully scripted and spoken communication will be take the wrong way. I bet that has happened to you this week!

So when will you turn the tide? Ask for help? If not now, when?

What step can you take to trust yourself and your team (even if that is your spouse) today?

Your Coach Loves You,
Shandel

1 “The Five Dysfunctions of a Team” Team Assessment by Patrick Lencioni

MVP Award — Succesful People Living with Intention: Missy Leibold

What a special MVP we have this month! Missy Leibold was introduced to me by her sister, who said, “I think she is ready!”, and she was right! Tragedy had hit Missy’s life. After a good period of grieving her loss, she said she was ready for her future to take shape. She jumped in and immediately started doing the work of learning who she was, how she was wired, and why she was uniquely placed right here right now. Her insights from the Life 301 class and our 1:1 coaching allowed her to look inside while pushing forward on her outward goal. Her efforts have yielded amazing results. She has a life that honors her values and plays to her strengths. If you are looking to planning your honeymoon, need a second one, or want a dream vacation – contact Missy at missy@beachbumvacation.com

Here’s Missy…

When I came to Shandel, I was completely broken over the unexpected loss of my husband on top of years of working under poor leadership. I am in the travel industry and as the times have changed, we attempted to change with it. I could taste success, but it seemed to always be a few inches from my fingertips. My attitude had slipped to an all-time low and I was ready to walk away from a profession I love dearly.

My perceptive sister offered me the gift of working with True Life Coaching for 3 months. I said yes, as I knew I was ready for the change and new season.

We started right in and dug deep into my soul to learn what my values are and what really gets my blood pumping. I enrolled in the Life 301 class and had 1:1 coaching on the off weeks to really excel my growth and daily “aha’s!” Through my experience, I drew closer to my true values, which included my relationship with God, and gained a beautiful new understanding of myself. It was an amazing realization that it wasn’t the profession I should change, but my scenery. I did not have to recreate myself – I had to live by my values!

Therefore, I took action immediately. I recalled a colleague who had a company I truly admired and that they specialized in honeymoon dream vacations and so one of my coaching assignments was to give them a call. Within a few weeks, I resigned from my job of ten years and before my coaching agreement was complete – I had started my dream job! I now honor my values on a daily basis – I work from home for a company I believe in and I have total freedom. In my first month, I have more sales than the last four months at my previous job. Life is good!

Missy Leibold

Ask Shandel – Recovering From The Break Up

On my drive into the studio, I was listening to the subject Bill and Connie were entertaining – “How quickly should you jump into a relationship after the break up?”  I heard Bill say, “Boy, I can’t wait to hear what Shandel has to say about this.” At that point, I knew it would be an interesting day for me.  IT WAS.

It turned out to be a great show as I defended my view on dating and go against popular opinion.  Great insights all the way around.  In the second segment we got to help a caller who had gotten dumped for a guy 10 years older.  Lots of great stuff here peeps about your self-esteem, integrity, honesty, respect, relationships, and where do you get your identity.

Should you be honest or just use people to get your needs met?  Where does integrity play into this?

Let me know your thoughts and would love your questions for the next show.

Segment one

Segment two

Thank you friends!

Shandel

Ask Shandel – What Are Your Top 5?

 

 

I love the spontaneous things that get lobbed to me on the “Ask Shandel” show. It is so fun and adventurous actually.   This week it was on dating.  The morning started with Bill and Connie talking to listeners about the biggest turn ons and turn offs.  By the time I got there the questions were how to find the right person to date.  As if that is an easy subject.  We had two great segments on the dating subject.  

There was some homework for the listeners and if they don’t know the answers they need to join our LIFE 301 class starting on Thursday. BTW – I offer you blog readers the same listener discount…sign up before August 17th and get a $50 discount!!!  BTW…one of the homework assignment was to come up with the 5 things that describe you and what you are looking for.  So let us know the 5 words you come up with below and get finding the right person today.

Listen to the show here:

Segment 1

Segment 2

It is time to be the best you!

If not now, when?
Shandel

P.s. Biggest turn on for me…when a guy is a gentleman – opens my door (even when I drive), walks on the outside of the sidewalk, orders – all that chivalry- I dig it!

www.life301.com – check it out!